Living Fullness

Friends with Benefits - what's the deal?

In this episode of Living Fullness, the hosts tackle ‘friends with benefits’ and the spectrum of thought that people have about this form of relationship.
Our climate says it’s no big deal, so why are you making it into a deal? There’s a spectrum. Here it is: Some say Sex is important, has meaning and is intimate, meant for only ‘the special someone’ or ‘special someone’s where the relationship is particularly deep’.
Towards the other end of the spectrum is that Sex is sometimes allotted like a diary entry: There’s an implicit commitment, and expectation from the start. Some will say sex is a biological function which can be used at any time and place, with only one moral quality - consent. It’s a mutual agreement, If you and I agree and give informed consent then the behaviour is perfectly acceptable. In this view there is no meaning behind sex beyond the immediate sense pleasures experienced in the act itself.
Then there’s what a Christian believes and how the work of John Paul II helps us understand the framework better. Listen to the episode to find out more.
For more information on Theology of the Body look to Fire Up Ministries - https://fireupministries.com/ and the Chastity Project - https://chastity.com/
T.B.G
Padre – An old mentor continuing to guide the way Stina – Speaking engagement with a Primary School

Trapped in the Friendzone

In this episode, Padre and Stina, talk about the dreaded friendzone. What is it? – It's a place where men and women dread going, where we feel trapped with unreciprocated feelings of attraction. A place where we feel disposed of something good, something that should be ours, that we can’t have.
Unrequited love - A love or attraction which is not reciprocated
This friendzone space can feel like a doom and gloom place that we’re stuck in. It’s a place where we have an expectation and a hope, and they’re not being met because they’re not rooted in reality. This is quite the tragedy. All this time and energy being spent in the friendzone could be spent being an actual friend. Not the crush that is built up in our head, but instead a person we can have a mutually enriching friendship with.
 
What we see in the friendzone is unrequited love that is not grieved, and instead self-pitied. This is not the place of men and women, this is a place of boys and girls who have not learned how to grieve for unfilled romantic attraction and love, and then move forward in a self-giving manner.
Feeling forced into the friendzone - If they do not love us, they have nothing to inspire or compel us to how we ought to respond. We are not stuck there, we choose to stay there. So, we can choose to move out of that space, by spending time and energy on more productive things than wallowing in self-pity. Learning what to do with those thoughts and feelings that we have that will not be reciprocated.
God sees things in an eternal now – acting with integrity and being honest, and having the conversation about our attraction leaves the door open for a future friendship to form even if it is not possible in the here and now.
The way to move forward is to have the conversation – this thing has happened, it’s here. Simply removing yourself from an established friendship may not be the most charitable thing to do, as it may leave the other in a world of confusion. So, we need to determine the closeness of the relationship already established and work out how much honesty is appropriate, and then determine what needs to happen moving forward. Even if that means not being able to see each other as friends moving forward. It’s ok to admit that, and not just ok, its loving.
There is also the possibility for a romantic relationship to flourish, BUT a DTR must take place first, where we move out of the friendzone. Integrity and Clarity builds trust.
‘He/She is not for me’ is such a freeing thing – to be a gift to the other, and this moves us from a space of ‘here is what I want’  to ‘here is what I have to give’.   
Special appearance – Sauron voice over
 
T.B.G
Ordinations - Congratulations to Fr Cyprian Onuorah and Deacon Connell Perry
Fr Byrnes – Ordination – Padre shares two particular moments that were highlights; the laying of hands and the sign of peace – ‘this man is now my brother; it’s a new member of my family’.
Stina – The Testimony of a women she had recently met, and the way that God has worked the timing of things in her life and the trust she has with God.

LOVE vs USE in relationships

In this episode our hosts cover Love and Use. 
What is love?
The goal is willing the good of the other, yet there can be various expressions of love. Padre speaks about 4 types of Love the Greeks use ‘Filius, Storge, Eros and Agape’ and the differences between then.
Then they ask the question, Why is the opposite of love note hate, but use?
AND What is at the core of Use?  Our hosts suggest that if we allow someone to be used, at the core of us, we believe that we too are objects to be used. We need to relearn this. When we see use in our relationships when we’re being used, there is also an added responsibility on us, out of love, willing the good of the other, to gently point out to the other that you’re noticing patterns of use here.
What about when we’re watching some one we care about be used, like a friend who is being used by their significant other. Our hosts suggest a template to use in handing these difficult conversations. 
This episode also covers examples of friendships in Scripture as well as a beautiful Quote from Scott Hahn. The gospel says that man is someone to be loved and must not be reduces to a thing to be used.
References in the Episode
Fulton Sheen ‘Always remember to love people, and use things, rather than to love things and use people’.
Karol Wojtyla (Pope John Paul II) – Love and Responsibility
T.B.G
Padre - Private Retreat
Stina - Reflection on Luke Chapter 5- The Paralytic
 
Find out more about our mission, blogs, joining our prayer tribe OR booking a speaker at - 
www.virtueministry.org.au
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/virtue.ministry/
Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ContactVirtueMinistry
 

DTR - Clarity instead of Messing around in a relationship

Last week's episode looked at romance from friendship and what to do about it. In this episode, the hosts pull apart the need for and the process of having a DTR - Defining the Relationship Conversation, especially when romantic attraction has formed in one or both people in a relationship.
Its not a complicated and daunting concept. Its quite simply 'A Conversation', about addressing what is already going on and seeking clarity within that. Remembering that true friends will the good of the other, and therefore don't want their friends to be left in confusion or be messed around with. 
One of the many things a person communicates when they initiate a DTR is ‘I don’t want to string you along, you’re worth more than being played around with.’ This is both attractive and loving. 
Our hosts explore if beyond the DTR, relationships have to end if there is no romance? Not necessarily.
Padre also introduces the concept of 'Friends in motion' as coined by Sarah and Andrew Swafford.
It’s ok for the possibility of a romantic attraction coming to be to exist. It doesn’t mean it has to form into a romantic relationship. It simply means it will need to be addressed with a DTR.
In the event that one person has formed an attraction and the other does not reciprocate, our hosts suggest an alterative way and showcase unrequited love through a MacGyver example.
The most common pathway of romantic relationships is to meet someone, any one, date for a while, and once it becomes serious then take into consideration different aspects that require attention in order to mould it into a suitable relationship. In some aspects, it starts off easier because we’re riding the wave of heightened passions and emotions. But after some time of having invested time and energy, then taking stock of all the things that aren’t working well, makes it very hard to correct things in order to make the relationship work. An attitude of ‘We have enough love and our love will fix it.’ 
Even just having to learn when someone says ‘I love you’ it may not mean exactly what you think it means, because we do have a limited language and we have a culture that’s very quick to romanticise and sexualise things.
This is a common, but very messy path to take. Our hosts suggest the NPR - Natural Progression of a relationship (see previous podcasts) as a better pathway to healthy relationships. 
At the end of the day, chemistry can always come from a good friendship, but a good friendship cannot always come from chemistry.
 
It’s important to know ‘who am I’ before I engage in a romantic relationship with someone.
Stina also shares a personal example of where DTR has been very successful in her own life. 
It’s not the most difficult conversation you will have in your life, it’s not the easiest either but the clarity that comes from it, is entirely worth it.
T.B.G
Stina - Photograph of a cell
Padre - Child at church with a winning smile
 
Visit Website for more information, blogs, join our prayer tribe or book a speaker
www.virtueministry.org.au
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtue.ministry/
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/ContactVirtueMinistry
 

Romance and attraction out of Friendship

In this Episode our hosts talk about attraction and romance that can come from a Friendship; and debunk a couple of claims. 
Claim 1 – If you’re friends, you cannot become romantically interested. FALSE
Claim 2 – Male and Female friends will inevitable become romantically involved. FALSE
Claim 3 - Christianity shuns the body, as body bad, only the soul is good. FALSE. Christianity says the body is not just a shell but an essential part of who we are. We’re not complete in heaven until we get out bodies back.
Society likes to say all attraction is sexual. FALSE. We can be drawn to a number of people for different reasons. If we can’t accept that attraction is possible outside of romance, then we can’t have friends. Because the whole notion of friendship is that there is something about someone that we’re drawn to.
However, in instances where romantic attraction does come a friendship,  prudence is needed in order to work out how to move forward from here with this attraction present and our response should always recognize the beauty of the human person, rather a focus on serving our own base desires.
In the next episode our hosts will look at how this conversation can go through a DTR - Define the relationship conversation.
T.B.G
Padre - Growth of 1st year Seminarians
Stina - First time mothers and the way they grow as a whole person. 
Find out more about our mission, blogs, joining our prayer tribe OR booking a speaker at -
www.virtueministry.org.au
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/virtue.ministry/
Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ContactVirtueMinistry

Friends, Circle of Influence, and BFF - What's the difference?

Our hosts take a look at the difference between friends, COI - Circle of Influence (close friends) and a BFF (best friend) using the 5 Key elements of a relationship. If you haven't heard the previous episodes, that's ok, you'll be able to follow along from this episode. 
This episode also talks about pulling up your friends, and fraternal correction especially as it needs honesty, respect and charity but also clarity and specificity. 
Our hosts talk a bit about vulnerability in relationships and speak of the ups and down of that in their own relationships. Stina is able to pull Padre up on certain things even when he doesn't want to hear it, and Padre is able to hold Stina to her standard, even when she tries to wriggle out of it - all in the name of a friendship of goodness. 
Our hosts also make a BOLD statement about whether men and women can be best friends - See 13'40
Truth. Beauty. Goodness
Padre - Fr Rector's birthdayStina - Friends Marry & Friend's having their first child. 
Podcast video on Youtubehttps://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKxismgs5Z25X-41DgGDklumR1AWQUHbv
Facebook Grouphttps://m.facebook.com/groups/livingfullness/
Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/virtue.ministry/
Website for more infowww.virtueministry.org.au

New Year 2021 - S.M.A.R.T Resolutions, clerical creativity, and tough reflections

As 2020 Draws to a close our hosts take a look at the year that was and begin to consider what needs to be taken stock of in order to prepare for the year that is to come 
This episode includes some thoughts on the Global Pandemic of 2020, and some clerical creativity that come through it. A shout out to Fr. Thomas Cassanova. Highlights of 2020 included the installation of Bishop Mark Edwards and his encouragement during these strange times. 
Our hosts talk resolutions that were made, adjusted and kept during 2020, and some things to take into consideration when setting 2021 goals including ensuring they are S.M.A.R.T Goals - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely. Also bring onboard an accountability, someone who will show you tough love and hold you to your commitment, as well a motivator; where you will go when the high of the new year dissipates and you find yourself losing the desire to maintain the commitment. 
Unexpected Joys of the year, including all the dancing and to consider in what ways they have grown either physically, emotionally, spiritually or with others this year.  
Then our hosts asked each other 2 questions each. 
For Stina:
1. Who is someone you will turn to this year?
2 If you lived exclusively according to your values, what would that look like?
For Padre:
1. What will be your biggest risk in 2021?
2. What is ONE change you could make that will bring you more peace?
 
From all of us at Virtue Ministry, Thank you for all your support this year, and we're all Wishing you a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 
 
For more info.www.virtueministry.org/au/social/
 

Christmas Cheer & Conflict, Traditions and Wish for our listeners

This is the Christmas Episode for Living Fullness. Episode that discusses all things Christmas Traditions and what role Santa played in our hosts lives. 
Along side Christmas cheer, there is a tendency for Christmas Conflict to also rise. We also cover what to do when this happens at different Christmas events, and how to prepare before hand. 
If you're alone this Christmas, we have a segment in this episode for you also. The FREE retreat guide can be found here for download
http://www.virtueministry.org.au/social/
Finally our hosts talk about what their ideal Christmas would look like, which fictional characters they would invite to their fantasy Christmas party including Dr Who, the Avengers and Father Brown; and their Christmas wish for our listeners, and viewers of Virtue Ministry and the Living Fullness Podcast. 
Podcast Video can be found on https://youtu.be/SvIp01q5kPI
Like and Follow Virtue Ministry on Facebook and Instagram to stay updated. 

God - Final of 5 Key elements of growing in a relationship

This is the final of the 5 key elements required for a healthy relationship, as coined by Sarah Swafford at Emotional Virtue. 
If God is everywhere, and in our relationships, why do we need to talk about this?
Love never forces itself upon another, and so because God loves us so much, he waits for our invitation, to be invited into our every day and into our every relationship. 
We need to talk to him as we would a friend, about anything and everything from asking for his help to enhance our friendships on earth, being thankful for what he has already done in our lives, figuring out what our vices and virtues are and where we should head from here. 
Conversation with Christ - Teresa of Avila by Peter Rohrbach on personal prayer. 
Our relationship with God directly impact the way we relate to and love one another. Not only because we allow ourselves to be surrendered to God to move in our lives, but also because the way we learn to love God teaches us how we should properly love our neighbour, the way they ought to be loved. 
Isn't it easier and more fun without the seriousness of religion, and faith playing into our relationships?
A Christian life means living a life where Joy is visible, that includes the relationships we have. The notion of God complicating friendships and relationship, and stealing the joy, is quite simply, false. It's precisely because of God, that the most authentic and satisfying friendships, virtuous friendships, can form and stand, because it's foundation is Christ himself. 
What about those who are not Christian, can they have virtuous relationships? 
Truth beauty and goodness:
Padre spoke about transcendental properties of being; that being truth, beauty and goodness.  
Video episode available on youtube
https://youtu.be/bskM9OEpJ7c
 
Make contact visa facebook group - Living Fullness
and like and follow Virtue Ministry on Instagram and Facebook

Backstory and Personal Convictions of the Hosts

So far, Living Fullness has covered 4 out of the 5 Key elements required in growing a relationship; Trust, Honesty, Time, and Virtue. Before talking about the very last component, our hosts share in this episode a bit about their backstory of how they have come to where they are now, and the way each of them see themselves and the world.
In this episode they cover the following 7 Questions:
1. What beliefs and values were you taught in the home, at school and within your culture?
2. When did your personal relationship with Jesus begin, and what was your first impression of him?
3. Has it changed over time? And did anyone or anything help strengthen that or anything weaken it?
4. What does it look like now?
5. What season of life are you in now and what is God calling you into at this time?
6. Why does any of this matter to you?
7. Regarding faith; what if you're wrong?
 
Make sure you subscribe to the podcast and share it with someone. The video podcast is available on youtube. Send us your thoughts, comments and questions either using the Living Fullness facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/livingfullness
OR on Virtue Ministry on facebook or Instagram.
The final episode on the 5 key elements will be released in the coming days.