Living Fullness

DTR - Clarity instead of Messing around in a relationship

Last week's episode looked at romance from friendship and what to do about it. In this episode, the hosts pull apart the need for and the process of having a DTR - Defining the Relationship Conversation, especially when romantic attraction has formed in one or both people in a relationship.
Its not a complicated and daunting concept. Its quite simply 'A Conversation', about addressing what is already going on and seeking clarity within that. Remembering that true friends will the good of the other, and therefore don't want their friends to be left in confusion or be messed around with. 
One of the many things a person communicates when they initiate a DTR is ‘I don’t want to string you along, you’re worth more than being played around with.’ This is both attractive and loving. 
Our hosts explore if beyond the DTR, relationships have to end if there is no romance? Not necessarily.
Padre also introduces the concept of 'Friends in motion' as coined by Sarah and Andrew Swafford.
It’s ok for the possibility of a romantic attraction coming to be to exist. It doesn’t mean it has to form into a romantic relationship. It simply means it will need to be addressed with a DTR.
In the event that one person has formed an attraction and the other does not reciprocate, our hosts suggest an alterative way and showcase unrequited love through a MacGyver example.
The most common pathway of romantic relationships is to meet someone, any one, date for a while, and once it becomes serious then take into consideration different aspects that require attention in order to mould it into a suitable relationship. In some aspects, it starts off easier because we’re riding the wave of heightened passions and emotions. But after some time of having invested time and energy, then taking stock of all the things that aren’t working well, makes it very hard to correct things in order to make the relationship work. An attitude of ‘We have enough love and our love will fix it.’ 
Even just having to learn when someone says ‘I love you’ it may not mean exactly what you think it means, because we do have a limited language and we have a culture that’s very quick to romanticise and sexualise things.
This is a common, but very messy path to take. Our hosts suggest the NPR - Natural Progression of a relationship (see previous podcasts) as a better pathway to healthy relationships. 
At the end of the day, chemistry can always come from a good friendship, but a good friendship cannot always come from chemistry.
 
It’s important to know ‘who am I’ before I engage in a romantic relationship with someone.
Stina also shares a personal example of where DTR has been very successful in her own life. 
It’s not the most difficult conversation you will have in your life, it’s not the easiest either but the clarity that comes from it, is entirely worth it.
T.B.G
Stina - Photograph of a cell
Padre - Child at church with a winning smile
 
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Romance and attraction out of Friendship

In this Episode our hosts talk about attraction and romance that can come from a Friendship; and debunk a couple of claims. 
Claim 1 – If you’re friends, you cannot become romantically interested. FALSE
Claim 2 – Male and Female friends will inevitable become romantically involved. FALSE
Claim 3 - Christianity shuns the body, as body bad, only the soul is good. FALSE. Christianity says the body is not just a shell but an essential part of who we are. We’re not complete in heaven until we get out bodies back.
Society likes to say all attraction is sexual. FALSE. We can be drawn to a number of people for different reasons. If we can’t accept that attraction is possible outside of romance, then we can’t have friends. Because the whole notion of friendship is that there is something about someone that we’re drawn to.
However, in instances where romantic attraction does come a friendship,  prudence is needed in order to work out how to move forward from here with this attraction present and our response should always recognize the beauty of the human person, rather a focus on serving our own base desires.
In the next episode our hosts will look at how this conversation can go through a DTR - Define the relationship conversation.
T.B.G
Padre - Growth of 1st year Seminarians
Stina - First time mothers and the way they grow as a whole person. 
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Friends, Circle of Influence, and BFF - What's the difference?

Our hosts take a look at the difference between friends, COI - Circle of Influence (close friends) and a BFF (best friend) using the 5 Key elements of a relationship. If you haven't heard the previous episodes, that's ok, you'll be able to follow along from this episode. 
This episode also talks about pulling up your friends, and fraternal correction especially as it needs honesty, respect and charity but also clarity and specificity. 
Our hosts talk a bit about vulnerability in relationships and speak of the ups and down of that in their own relationships. Stina is able to pull Padre up on certain things even when he doesn't want to hear it, and Padre is able to hold Stina to her standard, even when she tries to wriggle out of it - all in the name of a friendship of goodness. 
Our hosts also make a BOLD statement about whether men and women can be best friends - See 13'40
Truth. Beauty. Goodness
Padre - Fr Rector's birthdayStina - Friends Marry & Friend's having their first child. 
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New Year 2021 - S.M.A.R.T Resolutions, clerical creativity, and tough reflections

As 2020 Draws to a close our hosts take a look at the year that was and begin to consider what needs to be taken stock of in order to prepare for the year that is to come 
This episode includes some thoughts on the Global Pandemic of 2020, and some clerical creativity that come through it. A shout out to Fr. Thomas Cassanova. Highlights of 2020 included the installation of Bishop Mark Edwards and his encouragement during these strange times. 
Our hosts talk resolutions that were made, adjusted and kept during 2020, and some things to take into consideration when setting 2021 goals including ensuring they are S.M.A.R.T Goals - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely. Also bring onboard an accountability, someone who will show you tough love and hold you to your commitment, as well a motivator; where you will go when the high of the new year dissipates and you find yourself losing the desire to maintain the commitment. 
Unexpected Joys of the year, including all the dancing and to consider in what ways they have grown either physically, emotionally, spiritually or with others this year.  
Then our hosts asked each other 2 questions each. 
For Stina:
1. Who is someone you will turn to this year?
2 If you lived exclusively according to your values, what would that look like?
For Padre:
1. What will be your biggest risk in 2021?
2. What is ONE change you could make that will bring you more peace?
 
From all of us at Virtue Ministry, Thank you for all your support this year, and we're all Wishing you a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 
 
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Christmas Cheer & Conflict, Traditions and Wish for our listeners

This is the Christmas Episode for Living Fullness. Episode that discusses all things Christmas Traditions and what role Santa played in our hosts lives. 
Along side Christmas cheer, there is a tendency for Christmas Conflict to also rise. We also cover what to do when this happens at different Christmas events, and how to prepare before hand. 
If you're alone this Christmas, we have a segment in this episode for you also. The FREE retreat guide can be found here for download
http://www.virtueministry.org.au/social/
Finally our hosts talk about what their ideal Christmas would look like, which fictional characters they would invite to their fantasy Christmas party including Dr Who, the Avengers and Father Brown; and their Christmas wish for our listeners, and viewers of Virtue Ministry and the Living Fullness Podcast. 
Podcast Video can be found on https://youtu.be/SvIp01q5kPI
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God - Final of 5 Key elements of growing in a relationship

This is the final of the 5 key elements required for a healthy relationship, as coined by Sarah Swafford at Emotional Virtue. 
If God is everywhere, and in our relationships, why do we need to talk about this?
Love never forces itself upon another, and so because God loves us so much, he waits for our invitation, to be invited into our every day and into our every relationship. 
We need to talk to him as we would a friend, about anything and everything from asking for his help to enhance our friendships on earth, being thankful for what he has already done in our lives, figuring out what our vices and virtues are and where we should head from here. 
Conversation with Christ - Teresa of Avila by Peter Rohrbach on personal prayer. 
Our relationship with God directly impact the way we relate to and love one another. Not only because we allow ourselves to be surrendered to God to move in our lives, but also because the way we learn to love God teaches us how we should properly love our neighbour, the way they ought to be loved. 
Isn't it easier and more fun without the seriousness of religion, and faith playing into our relationships?
A Christian life means living a life where Joy is visible, that includes the relationships we have. The notion of God complicating friendships and relationship, and stealing the joy, is quite simply, false. It's precisely because of God, that the most authentic and satisfying friendships, virtuous friendships, can form and stand, because it's foundation is Christ himself. 
What about those who are not Christian, can they have virtuous relationships? 
Truth beauty and goodness:
Padre spoke about transcendental properties of being; that being truth, beauty and goodness.  
Video episode available on youtube
https://youtu.be/bskM9OEpJ7c
 
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Backstory and Personal Convictions of the Hosts

So far, Living Fullness has covered 4 out of the 5 Key elements required in growing a relationship; Trust, Honesty, Time, and Virtue. Before talking about the very last component, our hosts share in this episode a bit about their backstory of how they have come to where they are now, and the way each of them see themselves and the world.
In this episode they cover the following 7 Questions:
1. What beliefs and values were you taught in the home, at school and within your culture?
2. When did your personal relationship with Jesus begin, and what was your first impression of him?
3. Has it changed over time? And did anyone or anything help strengthen that or anything weaken it?
4. What does it look like now?
5. What season of life are you in now and what is God calling you into at this time?
6. Why does any of this matter to you?
7. Regarding faith; what if you're wrong?
 
Make sure you subscribe to the podcast and share it with someone. The video podcast is available on youtube. Send us your thoughts, comments and questions either using the Living Fullness facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/livingfullness
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The final episode on the 5 key elements will be released in the coming days.

Virtue & Values and Human Excellence - NPR

In this episode Fr Sean and Stina finally tackle the topic of Virtue - habitual goodness and human excellence. Virtue is more than signalling, or an old and impractical concept in our time; and it's more than tapping our toes and calling it patience, or being prudish. Virtue is not just how we act but an all encompassing integration of thoughts, emotions, desires and behaviour. It's a true and healthy integration of the whole human person where love is at the core. 
Our hosts also look at the way in which our value systems play into how we choose to live out our lives; including universal values of living and societal values of friendship, encouraging listeners to consider 'Looking at my personal values, why do I value these?' 
For those who don't know their personal values - some questions to start reflecting - 
1. Who do I admire and why have they made a positive impact on me?
2. What is it in life that inspires me to take action? 
3. Where are the circumstances/situations where I am living life most fully myself, and most like the person I was made to be? Also, where are the situations and circumstances where I am least like who I am made to be?
 
Fr Sean and Stina share their personal values and discuss the importance of considering whether personal values match in relationships such as friendship and romantic relationship. Fr Sean outlines the number one value for a Christian, and Stina asks the question of what happens when Goodness is not a common value within a relationship. 
20'30'' - Fr Sean asks Stina 'This all sounds too hard, why should we bother with Virtue?' 
 
Truth, Beauty and Goodness
24'40 - Transcendental Properties of Being 

Has it been long enough; are we friends now?

Fr Sean and Stina, continue the conversation on the Natural Progression of a Relationship and the 5 key elements required for any relationship, as coined by Sarah Swafford from Emotional Virtue. 
This episode focuses on the 3rd Element 'TIME'. 
Who says how much time needs to be spent in order for a solid friendship to be present? Instead look for trust, honesty, genuineness and sincerity; good things take time. 
There is time, then there is timing. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is a time for everything,    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2     a time to be born and a time to die,    a time to plant and a time to uproot,3     a time to kill and a time to heal,    a time to tear down and a time to build,4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,    a time to mourn and a time to dance,5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,6     a time to search and a time to give up,    a time to keep and a time to throw away,7     a time to tear and a time to mend,    a time to be silent and a time to speak,8     a time to love and a time to hate,    a time for war and a time for peace.
 
Not all friendships are meant to last, and there is a time and place for solid friendships to be acquainted and grow. School may be a time for education, and there may be some friendships which form here, but it is not fair to expect that friendships formed here will last a lifetime. In a space of education where your primary goal is to learn content and about yourself, it's ok to allow that space to simply be that and not become the arena to find and secure your Best Friend for Life.
 
Truth, Beauty and Goodness 
Judi Limbers - CEO of AV Workshops. All.U.Re and Valour Workshops.  

Can we just be real for a second? Honesty and Clarity in relationships

In this episode the hosts continue the conversation on the 5 key elements necessary for any relationship.
This episode talks specifically about HONESTY. S.W.O.T Analysis - Strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. They answer a brilliant question that was posed by one of the young men at Chosen Youth, and give direction for intentionality right from the outset of the start of a relationship and friendship, and not pretending about what's ACTUALLY going on here.
They also talk about the risk of rejection and why sometimes the knock back hurts so much more; and about how to know how much honesty is too much.
Truth. Beauty. Goodness
Rise Challenge - Christ Stefanik