Trapped in the Friendzone

In this episode, Padre and Stina, talk about the dreaded friendzone.
What is it? – It's a place where men and women dread going, where we feel trapped with unreciprocated feelings of attraction. A place where we feel disposed of something good, something that should be ours, that we can’t have.

Unrequited love - A love or attraction which is not reciprocated

This friendzone space can feel like a doom and gloom place that we’re stuck in. It’s a place where we have an expectation and a hope, and they’re not being met because they’re not rooted in reality. This is quite the tragedy. All this time and energy being spent in the friendzone could be spent being an actual friend. Not the crush that is built up in our head, but instead a person we can have a mutually enriching friendship with.

 

What we see in the friendzone is unrequited love that is not grieved, and instead self-pitied. This is not the place of men and women, this is a place of boys and girls who have not learned how to grieve for unfilled romantic attraction and love, and then move forward in a self-giving manner.

Feeling forced into the friendzone - If they do not love us, they have nothing to inspire or compel us to how we ought to respond. We are not stuck there, we choose to stay there. So, we can choose to move out of that space, by spending time and energy on more productive things than wallowing in self-pity. Learning what to do with those thoughts and feelings that we have that will not be reciprocated.

God sees things in an eternal now – acting with integrity and being honest, and having the conversation about our attraction leaves the door open for a future friendship to form even if it is not possible in the here and now.

The way to move forward is to have the conversation – this thing has happened, it’s here. Simply removing yourself from an established friendship may not be the most charitable thing to do, as it may leave the other in a world of confusion. So, we need to determine the closeness of the relationship already established and work out how much honesty is appropriate, and then determine what needs to happen moving forward. Even if that means not being able to see each other as friends moving forward. It’s ok to admit that, and not just ok, its loving.

There is also the possibility for a romantic relationship to flourish, BUT a DTR must take place first, where we move out of the friendzone. Integrity and Clarity builds trust.

‘He/She is not for me’ is such a freeing thing – to be a gift to the other, and this moves us from a space of ‘here is what I want’  to ‘here is what I have to give’.   

Special appearance – Sauron voice over

 

T.B.G

Ordinations - Congratulations to Fr Cyprian Onuorah and Deacon Connell Perry

Fr Byrnes – Ordination – Padre shares two particular moments that were highlights; the laying of hands and the sign of peace – ‘this man is now my brother; it’s a new member of my family’.

Stina – The Testimony of a women she had recently met, and the way that God has worked the timing of things in her life and the trust she has with God.