Wednesday Jan 20, 2021

DTR - Clarity instead of Messing around in a relationship

Last week's episode looked at romance from friendship and what to do about it. In this episode, the hosts pull apart the need for and the process of having a DTR - Defining the Relationship Conversation, especially when romantic attraction has formed in one or both people in a relationship.

Its not a complicated and daunting concept. Its quite simply 'A Conversation', about addressing what is already going on and seeking clarity within that. Remembering that true friends will the good of the other, and therefore don't want their friends to be left in confusion or be messed around with.

One of the many things a person communicates when they initiate a DTR is ‘I don’t want to string you along, you’re worth more than being played around with.’ This is both attractive and loving.

Our hosts explore if beyond the DTR, relationships have to end if there is no romance? Not necessarily.

Padre also introduces the concept of 'Friends in motion' as coined by Sarah and Andrew Swafford.

It’s ok for the possibility of a romantic attraction coming to be to exist. It doesn’t mean it has to form into a romantic relationship. It simply means it will need to be addressed with a DTR.

In the event that one person has formed an attraction and the other does not reciprocate, our hosts suggest an alterative way and showcase unrequited love through a MacGyver example.

The most common pathway of romantic relationships is to meet someone, any one, date for a while, and once it becomes serious then take into consideration different aspects that require attention in order to mould it into a suitable relationship. In some aspects, it starts off easier because we’re riding the wave of heightened passions and emotions. But after some time of having invested time and energy, then taking stock of all the things that aren’t working well, makes it very hard to correct things in order to make the relationship work. An attitude of ‘We have enough love and our love will fix it.’

Even just having to learn when someone says ‘I love you’ it may not mean exactly what you think it means, because we do have a limited language and we have a culture that’s very quick to romanticise and sexualise things.

This is a common, but very messy path to take. Our hosts suggest the NPR - Natural Progression of a relationship (see previous podcasts) as a better pathway to healthy relationships.

At the end of the day, chemistry can always come from a good friendship, but a good friendship cannot always come from chemistry.

It’s important to know ‘who am I’ before I engage in a romantic relationship with someone.

Stina also shares a personal example of where DTR has been very successful in her own life.

It’s not the most difficult conversation you will have in your life, it’s not the easiest either but the clarity that comes from it, is entirely worth it.

T.B.G

Stina - Photograph of a cell

Padre - Child at church with a winning smile

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DTR - Clarity instead of Messing around in a relationship

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